Recently, I find myself staying up late at night (even when my baby’s asleep) thinking about life. And trust me when I say, I’ve never been one to stay up, thinking about the meaning of life (ain’t nobody got time for that!). But, I guess becoming a new mama brings a lot of changes.
It’s difficult for me to write about personal things and this post is going to be very personal. But, I HAVE to pen these thoughts down because I know a few months down the line, I’m going to revisit this. So, here it goes…
Before I became a mother, I read somewhere that having a baby is having a piece of your heart & soul that exists outside of your body. I couldn’t agree more. Once your baby is born, and not safely protected inside your womb…you worry every minute. How can I protect her better than when she was a part of me?
The maternal instinct of a woman is the fiercest, most undefinable quality that exists inside each of us. My heart stops when my baby wakes up crying inconsolably from a nightmare. If I could jump in her head and kick the crap out of whatever is scaring my baby, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Watching your husband – the manly man transform into a puddle of mush in the hands of his little baby girl is priceless. Watching him worry over the tiniest things and wanting to protect her (even from her own nails that she scratches herself with) is so beautiful. It only makes your love stronger.
You only realize your own mother’s importance once you become a mother yourself. I loved my mama with all my heart all my life but I only truly appreciated what she went through to raise me and my three siblings after having a child of my own. Putting your child’s needs over your own every single day is the ultimate form of devotion. No wonder heaven lies under the feet of a mother.
There is no such thing as a perfect mom. You are allowed to be frustrated when your baby hasn’t slept in twelve straight hours and you are at your wit’s end. You are allowed to want “me” time where you do absolutely nothing. It’s part of being a human – you don’t stop being one just because you have a baby.
Your baby’s eyesight and focusing skills improve every month as they grow. One of my favorite things in life is how my daughter recognizes me. She wakes me up with a cheeky smile. She welcomes her daddy home everyday with a huge grin. I love being the most familiar face in her life. I love that she associates me with safety and comfort. I love being able to make her smile so easily.
I find myself appreciating time. The first year of your baby’s life is the most life changing time. They are growing and learning at lightning speed and you are constantly looking forward to them sitting or crawling or walking. All these things will come in the coming year…but, as I pack away the clothes she has outgrown and look at her pictures from when she was a newborn, I get strangely emotional. Emotional that as she grows, she will rely on me less and less. I tell my husband that this is the time where she’ll let us hug and kiss her all we want because pretty soon she will be crawling away.
I often think about how lucky I am to be blessed with a child that will one day love, care and worry about me and my husband just like we worry about our parents now. How beautiful is it to know that you will be so loved when you’re old?